A lovely spring Saturday saw Stockport 3's make the short journey over to leafy Knutsford for their return league fixture. The team gave a seasonal debut to George 'Plasticine' Perry, who is intent on getting the 2016 Colts band back together which also saw a 3rd XV debut for scrum half Joe Turnbull joining previous Kierans Alumni, Affeme Johnson and Adil Athar. The fact that Athar was present at all was a miracle after he was involved in a serious collision on the motorway whilst heading to the game, however such was his commitment to the cause that he got there.....however they say these things come in 3's!!!!

With Knutsford struggling for players, the game was in doubt right up to kick off however a rallying war cry from skipper Mel McCaughey MBE saw Stockport player Matt Stocker volunteer to turn up and play for Knutsford, earning him massive kudos from both sides. At the start of the game, Knutsford had 13 players so with Stockport only allowed to field 14 it was left to McCaughey to make the decision to put himself on the subs bench along with flanker Tom Mounkley, who was back in his first game after a finger injury which left his pinky with more corners than an F1 track. Knutsford opted to kick off which led to the first indecision of the game as no one felt like claiming the bouncing ball however once Stockport got going, they were quickly through the gears and a quick change of direction saw the ball moved seamlessly along the backs line. Centre Aaron Hussain found himself in a 2-on-1 against the last defender and he put try scoring machine Johnson over for the first try of the game, after a matter of minutes improved on by fly half Rhys Warhurst knocking over a simply conversion. Despite this electric start, the same things haunted the 3's such as trying to throw the miracle pass coupled with the inability to keep mouths closed which infuriated the referee. Soon though, it was another score for Stockport as lock Chris Dodd took on a penalty and barged his way over for a try also converted by Rhys and it was now 0-14, with the stuffing having been knocked out of the home side. With Rhys making demands of his team to keep hold of the ball, his next act was to kick the ball when he had a 5 man overlap outside him (yeah, let's keep hold of the ball Rhys shall we) however he wasn't alone as Hussain did exactly the same with Johnson lurking out wide (not that Johnson made his feelings clear at all)!! Next on the score sheet was Perry following a well executed backs move, who burnt his way down the wing, cheered on by his own personal fan club and it was now 0-19 after a missed conversion. Still the team couldn't seem to get to grips with reclaiming restarts, and this time it was Dodd who scooped up the loose ball and was told in no uncertain circumstances by stand-in skipper Keith Warhurst to "carry the ball". Now I thought I was pretty loud, but clearly must have been out of range for Dodd who decided to put boot to ball and kick it straight into the arms of a Knutsford player who not only returned it, but managed to evade the despairing dive of Dodd to try and tackle to make up for his ridiculous option. This was followed by a volley from Keith along the lines of "that's not what I asked you to do!!" Dodd was again involved in the next try as he simultaneously threw a try scoring pass whilst screaming, "no, not him" as the ball fell into the hands of prop Dom Waterhouse who crossed for the visitors 4th try, which again went unconverted. With Stockport completely in control, it was going to take something special (or ridiculous) for Knutsford to get close to scoring however the ridiculous we can do which started with Rhys getting a penalty reversed for backchat. Knutsford opted to run the ball and then kick through which saw Perry clearly ahead to win the race to the ball. From nowhere, Perry was struck by a sniper on a grassy knoll as he screamed out whilst clutching his hamstring, allowing the Knutsford player to race through and collect the ball for the home side's first points of the game, albeit you know its not your day when the straight forward conversion slams against the upright. Perry was left hobbling to the touchline and surely the question should be how can someone who spends so much time in the gym have hamstrings made of plasticine. Even his own dad has taken to calling him Morph!!!! This saw the introduction of Athar into the centre and Hussain move out to the wing, however more importantly it also saw the end to the option of Keith spending the 2nd half on the bench!!!! A feisty exchange about backchat erupted between Johnson and Waterhouse with Keith playing referee, followed by a quality bit of playground banter from Johnson with, "well speak to him, he started it!!!" Another raid on the Knutsford line ended with a goal line drop out which was booted into touch, signalling the end of the first half with the score 5-24.

Half time saw everyone stating the obvious about backchat, not forcing it and going through the phases whilst there was still no sign of McCaughey emerging from the bench to lead his team from the fore. There were suggestions that he may have been suffering from illness, or that he was embarrassed having turned up to play thinking he was cool wearing his teenage son's trainers but either way he choose to remain on the touchline.

A quick start was demanded and that's what happened as the ball soon found its way into the hands of the human wrecking ball prop Sitsaba Sonkosi who left a trail of destruction in his wake and gave the team front foot ball. There were numerous tries in the 2nd half with Johnson completing his hat trick whilst there were also scores for Rhys, Hussain, Turnbull, full back Rick Morgan and flanker Dan Zelinka as well as a further score for Dodd who also missed the conversion from directly in front of the posts. At some point during the second half, McCaughey entered the fray and the MBE (My Ball Everybody) was in full effect as clearly he was sick of seeing restarts not being claimed. The marauding Ulsterman also managed to crash over for a try and also converted his own score at which point questions were being asked if the game should be ended? At this point, McCaughey stated "I've not come all this way to only play 20 minutes!!!" Well firstly, Knutsford is hardly 'all this way' from Stockport and secondly, you benched yourself!!!!! The second half also saw a couple of easy tries bombed, made more absurd by the fact that it was bezzies Athar and Johnson refusing to pass to each other, when passing would have been the simplest of option. Some would say that Athar's decision to not to pass was slightly worse so after this and his accident, he was merely waiting for the 3rd bad thing which came in the nicest possible way. Having been rounded and shrugged off a tackle, he picked himself up to be consoled by Hussain who in a cheerful manner said, "mate, I don't think I've ever seen you miss a tackle like that before!!" With Johnson and Athar now being pitched into a DOTD fight to the death, it was left for the usual weekly domestic between father and son as Keith was heard to shout to Rhys, "miss me, miss me" but then managed to get completely in his son's way and stand with his arms out like a poor version of the Angel Of The North. Fortunately Rhys had the skill set to dispose of the ball and no harm was done.

By now the game was ending with a whimper and was brought to a close by the ref's whistle, which saw Stockport winning out 12-73.

By kind permission of Aaron, we have the reinstatement of MOTM and DOTD this week. However, at the time of writing Aaron has also posted on the team's WhatsApp group about how good he was today so I am preparing myself for his drunken rants of Why Not Me!!!! A number of contenders for MOTM including debutant Turnbull who was electric and Johnson who just can't stop scoring tries (except when his mate Athar doesn't pass to him) as well as Athar for still making the game despite the horrendous collision however MOTM HAS to go to Matt Stocker who gave up the opportunity to play at home for the 4's to drive to Knutsford to play the full 80 minutes for Knutsford!!!

DOTD and there are a few options here including Keith for his 'miss me, miss me' cry, McCaughey for benching himself for most of the game then moaning about blowing up early as well as Johnson and Athar refusing to pass to each other however (and based on repetition) for missing a simple conversion, kicking the ball (badly) and most heinously for putting Waterhouse in for a try it has to go to 2-try hero Chris Dodd.